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An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small tavern. The husband leans over and asks his wife, “Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this tavern where you leaned against the fence and I made love to you from behind?”

“Yes,” she says, “I remember it well.”

“OK,” he says, “How about taking a stroll ’round there again and we can do it for old time’s sake.”

“Oooooooh Henry, you devil, that sounds like a good idea,” she answers.

There’s a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this, and having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, “I’ve got to see this…two old-timers having sex against a fence. I’ll just keep an eye on them so’s there’s no trouble.”

So he follows them. They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks. Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt, takes her knickers down and the old man drops his trousers. She turns around and as she hangs on to the fence, the old man moves in.

Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen. They are bucking and jumping like 18-year-olds. This goes on for about thirty minutes! She’s yelling, “Ohhhh, God!” He’s hanging on to her hips for dear life. This is the most athletic sex imaginable. Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn’t know. He starts to think about his own aged parents and wonders whether they still have sex like this. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggles to their feet and put their clothes back on.

The policeman, still watching thinks, “that was truly amazing; he was going like a train. I’ve got to ask him what his secret is.”

As the couple pass, he says to them, “That was something else, you must have been shagging for about forty minutes. How do you manage it? You must have had a fantastic life together. Is there some sort of secret?”

“No, there’s no secret,” the old man says,”except that fifty years ago that damn fence wasn’t electric.”

—

*Source: http://www.suddenlysenior.com/seniorjokebook.html

Let’s face the fact that as you grow older adn come to age, your visits to the hospital becomes frequent. Doctors will do their best to keep you safe on your stay in the hospital and to cure you as fast as they could.

Here are some things that you can do to become a smart patient and do your part in the healing process.

1. Always talk to your doctor if you have questions. Bring someone with you if you need help in understanding the details of things that you must do.

2. Give your doctor a complete list of the medications that you drink and ask for any side effects and those that should not be taken together.

3. Always get your test results and ask for interpretation.

4. Always expect. If you are going to have a surgery, ask your surgeon the things that you have to do and prepare yourself.

 

Howard is 95 and lives in a senior citizen home. Every night after dinner, Howard goes to a secluded garden behind the center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.

One evening, Annabel, age 87, wandered into the garden. They begin to chat, and before they know it, several hours have passed. After a short lull in their conversation, Howard turns to Annabel and asks, “Do you know what I miss most of all?”

She asks “What?”

He replies “SEX!!!”

Annabel exclaims, “Why you old fart, you couldn’t get it up if I held a gun to your head!”

“I know”, Howard says, “but it would be nice if a woman just held it for a while.”

“Well, I can oblige”, says Annabel, who gently unzips his trousers and removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it.

They agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Annabel would hold Howard’s manhood.

Then, one night, Howard didn’t show up at their usual meeting place. Alarmed, Annabel decided to find Howard and make sure that he was O.K. She walked around the home until she found him sitting by the pool with Sarah, who was holding Howard’s manhood!

Furious, Annabel yelled, “You two-timing creep! What does she have that I don’t have?”

Howard smiled and replied “Parkinson’s!”

 

As we age, it becomes very difficult to take proper care of the teeth. Especially for senior citizens who have arthritis.

Here are some suggestions to prevent tooth decay as you get older into the senior years.

1. If you are having problems holding your tooth brush, make it thinker by wrapping tape around it.

2. To make your toothbrush handle a little bit longer, tape an extender around the end of the handle. You can try an ice cream stick for example.

3. Use a battery powered toothbrush.

4. There are different aids available in the drug store that can help you clean your teeth properly. Products can make flossing a lot easier for you.

5. Brush your gums, tongue and the roof of your mouth with toothpaste everyday before you put your dentures on.

Grandma and Grandpa were watching a healing service on the television.

The evangelist called to all who wanted to be healed to go to their television set, place one hand on the TV and the other hand on the body part where they wanted to be healed.

Grandma got up and slowly hobbled to the television set, placed her right hand on the set and her left hand on her arthritic shoulder that was causing her to have great pain.

Then Grandpa got up, went to the TV, placed his right hand on the set and his left hand on his crotch.

Grandma scowled at him and said, “I guess you just don’t get it. The purpose of doing this is to heal the sick, not to raise the dead.”

For a senior, traveling is inevitable. Of course, they would love to enjoy their time leisurely. They have all the time in the world to visit all the places that they have not been yet. But, for every plane trip, there is what we call, the jet lag.

How can our dear senior prevent jet lag? Here are a few suggestions.
1. Make sure that you are well rested before the flight. Get plenty of sleep.
2. Avoid drinking alcohol or overeating before or during the trip.
3. Eat healthy meals.
4. Get as much exercise as possible.
5. Avoid sleep medications. If you really need to use them, avoid using them for a few days before the trip.
6. Follow the schedule in the time zone that you are in. Eat and sleep like the locals.

 

An elderly woman went into the doctor’s office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, “I’d like to have some birth-control pills.

“Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you’re 72 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?”

The woman responded, “They help me sleep better.”

The doctor thought some more and continued, “How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep better?”

The woman said, “Simple, I put them in my granddaughter’s orange juice every morning and I sleep better at night.”

*Source: http://www.suddenlysenior.com/seniorjokebook.html 

It is not a secret that senior citizens have lost the body strength that they used to have when they were at the peak of their youth. Eventually, they would end up experiencing accidents such as falls. More over, they would end up experiencing sprain. According to the American Academy of Orthopaedic Surgeons, more than 25,000 people do it everyday.

The ankle swells much and it hurts more than it even looks. One who sprained his ankle may even hear a pop when it happened.

An X-ray is recommended so that the bones can be checked for fractures and to make sure that no bones are broken. Rest is the key to sprain. Do not walk on it and you could ice it to keep the swelling down. Use compressive bandages to support your injury and elevate your ankle above the heart level for 48 hours. If it is severe, you may need to have a short leg cast for up to three weeks or a cast-brace. If it goes down the wire, you may end up with a surgical repair to tighten the ligaments.

Sprain is something that has to be cared fo to avoid further damages. For a senior, it is best to rest and to have it checked from time to time.

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan! They opened the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lived for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out: “BE CAREFUL!!! WATCH THAT  WALL!!!!!!!”

Source: http://www.suddenlysenior.com/seniorjokes.html 

 

Healthday News - Diarrhea is such a menace. Especially for senior citizens who are slow enough to go to the restroom. Most cases of diarrhea clears up on their own. However, there is a serious cause to this such as food or water contamination.

Dehydration is the major concern that might result due to diarrhea. Here are some suggestions to help fight diarrhea.

1. Keep yourself well hydrated by drinking plenty of water. If you are in an unfamiliar place, it would be best to avoid tap water, ice and food that is washed using tap water. If you are a traveler, you must drink and eat from known places that are proven to be safe.
2. Avoid food and drinks that has caffeine and dairy products.
3. Avoid taking in too much fiber.
4. Avoid greasy and food that are too sweet.
5. If you start feeling better already, eat bland foods such as toast, crackers, potatoes, bananas or rice.

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