Jul
10
The healthy food joke
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A 85-year-old couple, having been married almost 60 years, die in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly due to the wife’s neurotic interest in health food.
When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and Jacuzzi. As they oohed and aahed, the old man asked Peter how much of this was going to cost.
“It’s free,” Peter replied, “Remember, this is Heaven.” Next they went out back to see the championship golf course the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges every day, and each week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on Earth.
The old man asked, “What are the green fees?”
“This is heaven,” St. Peter replied. “You play for free.”
Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisine’s of the world laid out.
“How much to eat?” asked the old man.
“Don’t you understand yet?” St. Peter asked. “This is heaven. It’s free!”
“Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods?” the old man asked timidly. “That’s the best part…you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven.”
The old man looked at his wife and said, “You and your darn bran muffins. I could have been here ten years ago!”
*Source: http://www.suddenlysenior.com/seniorjokes.html
Jul
9
Use it or lose it
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Reuters Health - Researchers gave out a new advice for older men on how they could somehow preserve their sexual function. The advice is to have sex and have it often.
After testing older men for five years, they have noticed that those who were having sex regularly at the start of the study were at a much lower risk of developing erectile dysfunction by the end of the study. It seems in the study that the more they had sex, the lower their ED risk becomes.
The researchers are then encouraging men to stay sexually active into their golden years. There are a number of factors that contribute to ED which include age, heart disease, diabetes, and sexual activity.
ED occurs when there is a present problem with the blood flow to the penis. With regular sexual activity, it will help in maintaining a healthy blood vessel function in the tissues. To cap it off, the researchers noted, “use it, or lose it.”
Jul
8
The Witty Senior Joke
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An elderly man in Adelaide calls his son in Sydney and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing… forty-five years of misery is enough.” Pop, what are you talking about?” the son screams. “We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the old man says. “We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Brisbane and tell her,” and he hangs up.
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like heck they’re getting divorced,” she shouts, “I’ll take care of this.”
She calls her dad immediately, and screams at the old man, “You are NOT getting divorced! Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and then hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife… Okay,” he says, “They’re coming for Christmas and paying their own airfares.”
*Source: http://www.silvercitizen.com/senior-citizen-jokes.html
Jul
4
Programs for elders struggle due to gas price
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Is anyone not struggling with today’s gas price? I think nobody isn’t. The officials at the Faulkner County Senior Citizens Center are starting to run out of options and are slowly getting desperate. They help in delivering 300 meals on wheels a day to the seniors in Conway alone and the soaring price of gasoline is not helping at all.
They are now cutting back on the meals on wheels program to just three days a week for the very first time since they have started operating in thirty years. Some of the drivers said that the choice to cut back is not really a choice at all. It’s more on the side of they have no choice at all. They said that they have never seen it go bad and they think that it will get worse.
If the government leaders do not step up and increase the funds for in-home services, then thousands of seniors will be forced in to nursing homes. I think this is a wake up call. The government should answer this call.
Jul
3
Cruising Joke
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An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn’t find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.
Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: “Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and it had a pearl worth $50,000 …..please advise”
The old man faxed back: “Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap”
*Source: http://www.suddenlysenior.com/seniorjokes.html
Jul
2
Giving medication to those with Alzheimer’s
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If you are a caregiver and you are taking care of someone with Alzheimer’s disease, administering medication can be a very critical responsibility. You have to prevent missed pills and wrong dosages.
Here are some suggestions in administering medication:
1. Learn each medication before administering it. Make it a point that you know what each pill is for.
2. Always explain what the pill is for and why and how it should be taken.
3. Keep the medication well organized and safely stored.
4. Do not engage in a struggle just to take the medicine. If the person does not want to take it at a particular moment, then you can try again at a later time.
5. Make it as easy as possible. Ask the pharmacist for liquid which is a lot easier to administer than a pill. If this is not possible, ask the pharmacist to crush the pill and put it in food.
Jul
1
Misplaced
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Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel’s ear and she said, “Mabel, did you know you’ve got a suppository in your left ear?”
Mabel answered, “I have? suppository?”
She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, “Ethel, I’m glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hearing aid is.
*Source: http://www.suddenlysenior.com/seniorjokes.html
Jun
30
Books for seniors
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There is always a great feeling that comes from giving. I got across this really heart warming news about an Eagle Scout who spent a good amount of effort for the senior citizens in his community.
Eagle Scount Dilum Aluthga built a bookshelf, collected books and raised money for the senior citizens. He said that it is good to help out the senior citizens and the community since it has given him a lot of things already. He said that what he did is just something to repay the community. He was then awarded by the Senior Citizens for his good deeds. He also built another bookshelf with a collection of books but this one is located in a children’s home.
Jun
27
Senior Restaurant Joke
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An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two elderly gentlemen were talking, and one said, “Last night we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.”
The other man said, “What is the name of the restaurant?”
The first man thought and thought and finally said, “What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know… the one that is red and has thorns.”
“Do you mean a rose?”
“Yes,” the man said. He turned toward the kitchen and yelled, “Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?”
Jun
26
76 year old Andre - Paul Bordon was honored as the Senior Citizen Volunteer of the Year Award. What is so special about that? The thing is, he is a reformed drinker. Amazingly, he was saved. He used to be an alcoholic and he is not afraid to talk about that out loud/ He said that Alcoholics Anonymous saved his life and he wants to save the lives of others too.
Bourdon is also a legend in selling lotto tickets charity. He was praised for his selling skills. He was also a very active volunteer at almost all of the organizations in Cornwall.
He is the 39th person to receive this award and he said that the award was very enriching, it keeps him alive and he said that he had two brothers who died early and were n ot able to become volunteers during their time. He added that he would not be one of those old people who would just stay in front of the TV until the end of the day. He knows that he has work to do and that work is to save the lives of others.